DREADful Reviews
This might become a thing. It might not.
I’ll call this experimental review compilation Dad Reads and Examines Authors while Distracted (DREAD Reviews).
I tried to read a lot yesterday while I was off my ADHD meds and both my kids were screaming. Imagine my surprise today reading my post history and finding absolutely zero change to my usual flippant snark.
I decided to compile them all into one longer post in no particular order. I enjoyed reading all the examples below, so take that for what it’s worth.
A raid turns a husband into a murder hermit and after burying the dead in snow slush he takes the medieval bachelor route: hunting:
All the destroyers I know go by “she” and have bilge pumps. But this short poem opened my mind to male destroyers who let their tears wallow at the bottom of the hull:
An essay on man’s dedication to covetousness and taking things for granted come hell or high water:
A euphemism smuggler worries her tentacles and predator mouth might be a turnoff, not realizing how desperate men are to please their crush:
You might get away with slapping me silly but I’ll still stab you in the balls:
A grumpy guy in a terrible place gest a scolding from a muscular representative of IKEA. His tardiness and truancy earns him a promotion to scientific Guinea pig. The best one can do in this crapsack world is befriend an imaginary rat:
A con-woman and a con-man gloss over the details of sex-ed and contractual fine print:
Striking people blind is an atrocity that turns men into vengeful drugged up cyborgs:
A girl too poor to afford health insurance removes her disability like an old sock:
Skynet flirts with you:
An alien Jeff Bezos gets scammed by a time traveler:
The nomadic hunter-gatherer peoples of New Jersey gaze at mysterious drones flying overhead:
In a world of rot, betrayal, questionable rent, and spilled alcohol, we at least still have sexy women:
Earlier I claimed no particular order, but I lied. I saved the best for last. I wish I could be absurd with this summary, but for this one I’m just telling it how it is as it’s too absurd already.
People dancing with guns shot some Nazis but they, along with the reader, are utterly undone by a monkey bomb, the most absurd universe-shattering dead man’s switch you could possibly imagine:
OK I lied again, that wasn’t the last one. I’m a habitual liar, what can I say? Here follows my shameless self promotion at the end.
An evil but humble robot tries narcissism on for a day then gets fired:
That’s all for now folks.
A great list of recommendations, this may keep me busy for a while.
I feel so seen.